The conflict between Should and Must is something that we all struggle with.Read More »
Relationships are....Hard. Marriage, not a walk in the park. This coming from me, who is married to what my friends describe as "a saint," so I have it easy in comparison to others I'm sure. Over this past year as newlyweds we have gone through some major life shifts and are both feeling drained and maxed out. Buying our house has caused more stress, bills, and responsibility, and less sleep and time together than ever before.
It comes as no surprise that our communication is not always where it should be. We still have a lot to learn about each other even after years of being together. We are learning about how we work through big decisions, times of uncertainty, and maximum pressure situations. It seems like lately, during the small periods of time we have together, all we talk about it what needs to be done, what bills need to be paid, and how tired we are. On top of all of that, our down time together is almost non-existent. I posted a picture recently on my instagram of our relaxing Sunday morning together; our first in seven full weeks.
So during these periods of change and transformation in our life, how do we stay together, stay happy, and come out even stronger on the other side? Here are some things I've learned that have helped us continue to find ourselves and our love for one another during all the crazy.
Talk about the big stuff when you are not already fighting about the little stuff.
- This past weekend, we were having a good day, we had family friends over and Przemek was feeling pretty good about showing them our new home. When they left, I brought up a topic we have been talking about on and off, but I've never really felt like he understood where I was coming from and we just kept talking in circles about it. I knew it was risky, he was in a good mood, I didn't want to ruin that; but I was also hoping that talking to him when he was in a happy, relaxed state of mind might help him to absorb what I was saying better and come up with some actions steps to support me. We wound up fighting about it to be honest. I went upstairs to do yoga and cool off my temper and he went in our den. I came down freshly showered about an hour later and he had a plan. He had crunched numbers, told me I had his support 100%, no pressure, and that we were a team. He HEARD ME. He offered me unconditional support, love and acceptance, and it reminded me that's the reason we choose marriage, to have that person above all else who will be on your team, at your side. It's hard to remember when life gets crazy, but it's in these moments when you know you made the right decision.
Have sex. ("Can't you just write be intimate?"-Przemek "No, it's my blog, I'm writing sex."-Me)
- Physical intimacy is important in any relationship. In marriage, it can sometimes be the glue that helps you stick when things aren't working. I'm not advocating using sex as a deflection method, I'm advocating connection. Plus, you release endorphins and serotonin, feel good hormones, during sex that helps to decrease the stress you may be feeling from your busy life. Oxytocin is also released during orgasm and interestingly enough is responsible for creating trust, helping form attachments, and fidelity making us more monogamous creatures. It's even sometimes called the cuddle hormone, so ladies, if you want more cuddle time, you need more sexy time. Sex also increases blood flow to the brain causing new brain cell growth and helping to protect against the decline of brain cells which lead to diseases like dementia later in life. I don't know about you but it relaxes me, and makes it much easier to sleep when normally my list of a million things to do is keeping me awake. And I for one like knowing that the two of us have this special connection, we don't share with anyone else, it bonds us.
Go on dates.
- Even when our weeks are crazy, we try to meet up outside of the house at some point. Or have a night where we drink wine, eat popcorn and watch a movie at home. These times recharge us, remind us we can also have fun together and gives us space to actively work on the relationship. During our dates, no phone, computer or kindle (me since I read all the time) allowed. I pushed for this when I was feeing like I was last on the list. My husband works full time plus some, we commute over 20 hours a week, he is in school and we just bought an old house that needs a lot of maintenance. Even when we are at home together we are often doing our own things simultaneously. But, we are in this together. I can support him in his crazy life, he can support me in mine, so long as we continue to also look at our relationship as deserving of time, energy and work.
Make each other laugh as often as possible, if not daily.
- The other day Przemek did something that grossed me out so I wanted to get him back. I started chasing him around the house and we just kept running in circles from room to room. At one point I changed directions and he didn't realize and when he saw me, the look on his face, surprise, confusion, fear, awe, all mixed into one was so funny I had to stop running to laugh. I laughed so hard I was bent over with tears streaming down my face. He started laughing too and before long we were both belly laughing and had forgotten we were supposed to be play fighting. It was fun. Like little kid fun. And it was a great reminder of why I love this other person, he brings out the lighter side in me. His crazy meets my crazy and clicks.
Be generous with one another.
- Go out of your way for your person as often as possible. My husband sleeps even less than I do so that he can get up before me and make me a cappuccino, a hot water bottle, and pack me breakfast to go. He does all of this before he wakes me at 6am. He knows I'm not a morning person and he tries to make my life easier by doing this for me. He does this because he loves me. He loves taking care of me and spoiling me. And I love being taken care of. I love being spoiled. I'm demanding and he delivers. Here's the trick, it's not one sided. I would do anything for my man and he knows it. I try to do something to make him laugh or smile, make him feel wanted and loved just like he does for me, everyday. It's not fun or easy for him to get up that early, but he does it. That's marriage, you put in a lot of work, you go out of your way, but the pay off, it's totally worth it if you are with someone who gives as much as they get. And the kicker, I actually want to go out of my way for him. I'm totally fine with it, he deserves it and I think it's once you feel that way that you know you are with the right person.
For my husband and I, it's been a whirlwind first year of marriage but we have been together almost 8 years so we know we have something worth fighting for no matter what. We know we have a strong enough foundation to work through anything. We are so lucky, blessed really to have that.
As I continue to learn, I'll share with you little tips along the way, hoping something sticks, something inspires you to open your heart just a little bit more. You are both deserving of love.
The post Marriage is hard, how do you stay together when life is trying to pull you apart? appeared first on Whole Foodie Booty.Read More »
Hang with me today. Lots to discuss as I recap the Cheerios Gluten-Free Summit. I’m going to 1) answer as many of the questions you asked as possible; 2) give my thoughts on the Summit and what GM is doing to keep Cheerios safe for celiacs; and 3) talk about my experience (and insecurities) with […]Read More »
If you were under the illusion that dopamine is your friend, I'm really sorry to burst your bubble.Read More »
This week white wine has more sulfites than red, fonts affect your healthy behavior, and Kraft buys the blessings of dietitians.Read More »
A few quick hits before I kick off today’s blog post. – Thanks tons for all of your feedback regarding my trip to Cheerios-Land next week. I now have so many amazing questions to ask, they may actually regret inviting me (just kidding…I think). – I had a dream last night that I flew to […]
The post I’m Going to a Gluten-Filled Party….and I Can’t Wait appeared first on Gluten Dude.Read More »
Inspired by all of my actor friends, I'm doing a guest post this week with Sophie Wright of Create a Wellness in Australia. Sophie is an amazing actress currently staring in Wicked so she knows a thing or two about having to stay fit and healthy in a demanding role while working long crazy hours. On her vlog that she frequently posts about her pursuits to be healthy and well balanced in an extremely demanding industry. Check it out, this girl is cute, quirky, and has a killer sense of humor. Aussies, in my experience, seem to be happy lovely people so they must be doing something right.
I asked Sophie to write about this particular topic because it was something I struggled with so much when I was in the industry. I never felt talented enough, beautiful enough, skinny enough. These feelings of never being enough, led me down a very unhealthy path into years of disordered eating and negative body image issues. I wish I had heard this great advice when I was first starting out, maybe then it would have saved me years of struggle and weight fluxuation.
So in honor of all of the brave souls out there, who put themselves under scrutiny of who they are on a daily basis, I am in awe of you and I hope you get something out of Sophie's Tips. As a throw back to old times, a headshot I took at age 19, I look back at it now and think, wow what a beautiful picture but so much sadness. When I looked at it then, I just thought, I really should have lost more weight before taking this. So sad.
Here are Sophie's Top 4 Tips to Keeping in Performing Condition and Maintaining a Healthy Balanced Life. She writes...
1) Meditate or do a breathing exercise
By doing a meditation before an audition or a big show you have calmed your mind and body down so you are able to focus on the task at hand. You have created an awareness of your body and mind in that moment and are not projecting future moments that might occur.
i.e. You are not imagining what might happen as you are completely present; and being in the moment is what acting is all about, that ability to play off of one another or your emotions in the scene.
2) Relinquish control and have perspective
The sooner we realise and relinquish control over our thoughts and worries, the sooner we can move on and go about our daily lives. We spend so much time and energy worrying after the audition going through every detail in our head, that we don’t realize we can be creating an easier environment for us after the audition and make it easier upon ourselves to accept that we cannot control the outcome after the audition has passed. The sooner we can come to terms and understand this the quicker we can lead happier and less stressful lives. Move onto the next endeavor, the next goal, the next outcome.
3) Vocal health and rest
Rest is such an important factor in the performing industry, where you are constantly moving your body and using your voice (especially in musical theatre). I find that having a vocal rest day is such a great idea, so you can fully let your voice heal and rejuvenate in order for it to be at it’s peak. Things like herbal tea, honey and steaming are all really effective for this. Resting is important not only for our voices, but to let our bodies heal and be at our physical peak. Try getting a massage, or doing yoga, to stretch out your body, prevent injuries, and to relax your nervous system so you can feel well rested.
4) Eat Whole foods / Stay Active
I find that staying healthy and active, especially in the performing industry is so essential as our job is to stay well and if we are not well, we cannot work. Eating healthy by adding whole foods to our diet, balanced with moving your body, however you want to, is essential to our mind, body, and spirit. If we feed our bodies with good nutrition, feed our minds with positive thoughts, and continue to live an active lifestyle, this will reflect positively on our performances and auditions since we are more centered and confident, and that influences our entire well being.
Here is a recipe Sophie shared for you all the try out:
SWEET POTATO MESSIngredients:
- 1 Can of organic red kidney beans
- 1 Sweet potato
- 1 Head of broccoli
- 1 Bunch kale or spinach
- 1 Can of coconut cream
- A handful of fresh basil leaves
- Fresh coriander to taste
- Tamari or soy sauce to taste
chilli - about a pinch or more of each
- I tend to not stick to recipes as I love to create whatever flavors suit me and my mood so with the spices try different things
- Cut up the sweet potato and steam
- In either a saucepan or frying pan pour the coconut cream on medium to high heat and add in all the spices
- Add the veggies and simmer on low heat until cooked through and then add the red beans
- Voila! Simple Pimple and ready to devour, its super easy and nutritious
The post Guest Post: Tips on Keeping Performance Ready and Living a Balanced Healthy Life appeared first on Whole Foodie Booty.Read More »
Once a food has been declared either "good" or "bad" in your mind, it becomes subject to the effects of moral licensing.Read More »
Just another week of celiac BS (and it’s only Wednesday!). We had a chef saying that our “gluten-free requests were met with the same enthusiasm as a genital herpes infection.” We had a waitress saying “most of the time you order something special, we bring you what we want and you never know the difference.” […]
The post Will the New Cheerios Really be Gluten-Free? I’m About to Find Out. appeared first on Gluten Dude.Read More »
Once again, this week in Vancouver the illustrious TED Conference will commence. I love TED talks, and last year I compiled a list of my all-time favorites on food, health and happiness. I put together another list of my favorites this year. As tends to happen in life, my interests shifted a bit to focus […]Read More »