I’ve been struggling to write lately. I have a lot on my mind, a lot to say, but I’m not sure where to start. We’ve been fixing up our house, I want to write about that. I found some great healthy food recommendations, I want to write about them too. But every time I start a post, I’m not sure if it’s enough.
I’ve noticed lately that I’ve become increasingly affected by what I read online. Sometimes good, oftentimes not. I read about animals suffering from people being careless, I cry for them because they’re helpless. I read a post about a friend’s sister who took her own life and think about my high school friend who did the same. Both talented, beautiful, kind hearted people, who never felt like they were enough, even though they had everything going for them. What a waste to never recognize your gifts, your light.
I think back to the time when I was a teenager with a raging eating disorder pretending to be just “fine” but inside believing that I could not possibly ever be enough. It took years for me to overcome those ingrained beliefs, sometimes I still have them. I wish I could go back and tell my teenage self that she was more than enough.
I look at all the posts coming out of the upcoming presidential election. I keep seeing posts about a certain female candidate, and no matter what your political beliefs, or who you want to win, there is a message that seems clear in everything I read. She’s not enough. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s because she’s a woman. If this person who has been voted most admired woman 20 times is still not enough to lead our great country, then when will we women be enough in general?
Not that men don’t also feel like they’re not enough sometimes, but as a woman, who am I supposed to look up to? To aspire to? In the business world, women hold only 4% of the CEO positions of Fortune 500 companies. In the media world we’re bombarded with everyday only 26% of leading film roles go to women, and those that do seem to fit a certain type that’s unattainable for 99% of women in the world. How are we supposed to feel like we’re enough if we never are?
Lately, I’ve been thinking. I’ve been sad. I’ve cried. I’ve felt more sensitive than I have in years. I’m not sure why, there just seems to be a lot going on in the world, and a lot of it’s not great, and I’m feeling the affects. I have hope that as a people, we can do better, we can continue to learn and grow together.
From all of this thinking, I’ve also started to ponder the good. I realized a shift in myself. I’m happy, even though I’m sometimes sad. I’m no longer that lost girl who never felt good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. I’m a woman who has started to recognize and own her worth. I wish the same for other women. I’ll never feel guilty about what I eat again (and sometimes it’s ice-cream for dinner), I won’t apologize for voicing my opinion, (because my voice has a right to be heard, and you simply can’t please everyone) and I’ll never be afraid to love fully (myself and those in my life who deserve it, even when they don’t).
I’ve also recognized my husband’s strength. I’m married to a really capable, confident man, but his strength is the quiet kind. He’s a man who lets me be me, and isn’t intimidated by my enthusiastic opinions because he has his own. He doesn’t try to change me, because he’s secure in his own worth. He does things for me not because he has to, but because he wants to, because by taking care of me, he’s showing me his love. He found me, loved me, and built me up at a time when I needed it the most. It takes a really strong man to be with a strong woman. I hope my future daughters are full of strength and find a man just like their daddy to nurture and support it. I hope my future sons become the kind of man he is.
There’s a lot going on in the world, and a lot of it’s not so great. BUT, there’s a lot of wonderful people working hard to make a difference. Let’s work on building them up. Let’s all work a little harder to notice what’s around us, and to be a positive influence in the world by being a little kinder, a little more patient, a little less afraid. This is my wish these days.
Remember, you are enough.